Grief and Loss

What is grief?  Grief is related to desire. Whether the desire is large or small, if it is not met, you will probably have grief. An example of a small desire might be the experience of your computer crashing. Mos t of us have a desire that our systems remain stable and when that desire is thwarted we have a bit of loss and grief.

This example is not meant to trivialize grief, rather it is meant to help bring the understanding that grief is a part of everyday life. Experts are calling these small losses "micro grief". Our understanding of our micro-grief can help us in dealing with the chaos and overwhelming nature of the grief that follows a death.

You can think of all of the thwarted desires that arise when someone we love dies. We want that person to be with us still, we desire their presence, companionship, or blessing, we long for the connection we once had, or possibly desire to say one las t thing. We are assaulted and many times overwhelmed by waves of desires that will never be met.

The grief from a death has an underlying similarity to our computer crash example: desire. The difference is in the intensity of the desire. When looked at in this way we can see that grief is a part of life. ---Tom Golden

• The Compassionate Friends This organization has helped families around the nation. Its web site contains several good resources, a bookstore, and several stories about siblings.
• Kids Hospital Network If you're going through an illness or have a sibling going through an illness, check out this Web site. It offers everything from fun recipes to stories.
• Cherish Corner Here's a Web site that contains a page specifically dealing with sibling grief. Check it out by clicking on the link above.
• Rainbows Rainbows works with schools, churches and agencies to use its training for adult volunteers and its curriculum to set up peer support groups for children and teens grieving the death or divorce in their family.
• Grief Recovery On-Line This web site contains all kinds of information. You'll find on-line support groups for many types of grief.
• Kara This lists the objectives, services, and training available at Kara, an organization offering children, teens, and adult group sessions for the loss of a parent, child, sibling or friend. If you live in the San Francisco, CA area, Kara may be able to work with you.
• After the Loss

Additional Resources

www.webhealing.com: This is a great site to find links to many available grief resources around the Web. You can also read stories posted by other siblings, and parents.

www.counselingforloss.com: This site has an area called "Children's Corner" just for kids.

www.shareatlanta.org/siblg.htm: This Web Site is part of SHARE, a support group for those who have lost a child or sibling in pregnancy or as an infant. If this happened to your brother or sister, take a look at this site.

http://www.newhope-grief.org/teengrief/: This site is specifically for grieving teens.

Organizations Around the World

• The Dougy Center
  P.O. Box 86852
  Portland, Oregon  97286
  www.dougy.org
• Fernside, A Center for Grieving Children
  2303 Indian Mound Avenue
  Cincinnati, Ohio  45212
  (513) 841-1012
  www.fernside.org
• Compassionate Friends Inc.
  National Headquarters
  P.O. Box 3696
  Oak Brook, IL  60522-3696
  www.compassionatefriends.org
• Teen Age Grief, Inc.
  P.O. Box 220034
  Newhall, CA  91322-0034
  www.smartlink.net/~tag/
• Center for Loss and Life Transition
  3735 Broken Bow Road
  Fort Collins, CO 80526
  www.counselingforloss.com
• Rainbows
  1111 Tower Road
  Schaumburg, IL 60173
  www.rainbows.org
• Bo's Place
  5501 Austin
  P.O. Box 271165
  Houston, Texas  77277-1165
  Phone: 713. 942. 8339
  Fax: 713. 942. 2252
• Ethans House Inc.
  Attn: Alison Zelinski
  P.O. Box 66757
  Portland, OR 97290
• Kara
  457 Kingsley Ave
  Palo Alto, CA 94301
  (650) 321-5272
  www.kara-grief.org

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